I know you want in on the celebration, to disrupt the positive energy of pure completion. To negate what boggles your addled mind, will and emotions.
BUT… when you’re weirdly here, weirdly hangry…. What are you actually hungry for? How the fuck are you soooo starving in the supposedly “blessed place” where you are that your fucking myopic eyed ass is always ova here, grousing & grumbling?
How are you there, yet so empty you are here stalking my feed for sustenance, turning around batching about what you “see” but blind to your ridiculously corny need to try to feed?
…tha fuq? Is it a brain worm or a tapeworm that has you angrily coming here so often trying to provoke rage from me for you to be miraculously healed by?
How are you operating like your healing lies in me, the very person who…you supposedly don’t fuck with?
…lol. nevermind. Not even worth it.
& for…. I’m asking these clarifying questions for you, not for me. I know why you’re here. No one is around with the balls to speak truth to you & you’re terrified you’re going to die without hearing… what you should have the balls to say to your self.
Was what you did …were you so sure that what you did would birth rage in me…so sure ” it “was me and you were rejecting what you knew was true as a cosmic tantrum… that you’re this lost on the far side of that rage never happening in me, due to you…for you? Is it really that strange that you read it wrong? You have a career of reading things wrong. Why can’t you just let me be…a non-nefarious expression of that & leave me alone? What is truly up with you?
They’re all watching you… angrily scrambling to make me play a “part” in your life after all the horrid shit you’ve said and done regarding my “wanting so badly to be in yours.” …. Watching you play with dead bones from my past to suck marrow from in search of Any other explicable story with me than the one you fucked up so you can cloying play like you have the upper hand with me.
Every thing you’re supplicating your self and funds to in search of shit on me is what made me withstand your nonsense in the first place. THEY knew me… How many more people have to tiptoe around saying
“yeah…ummm you fucked up, and you should let this go…. because at least I know she loved me & she still punted me for nonsense” ??
Even fn Commiseraters, feeling awkward over YOUR obsession as you bray about my past supposed one.
They…all are able to see how much ambivalent apathy I actually have anywhere near the subject of you. Nobody in your life blames me for the hell they all watched you arrogantly choose.
…nobody blames me, dude.
THEY alll Saw you.
They all SEE you.
& the ones that actually give a fuck about you wish YOU would get real help.
….Just accept it. It’s…okay, dude.
Let it go.
Stop having these idiots looking to me trying to comprehend you. It’s fucking cowardice.
Or fucking apologize for real & stop trying me, asshole.
How many more people have to be medicated to be able to suffer your vain, inglorious chosen insanity before you see the common denominator you are to all their misery, no matter how many gifts you do give?
How the fuck did this happen to you ?
How are you here groveling for rage from me, riddled with weird envy?
How is all you have feeling to you like nothing ?
How many more are going to walk away from you whispering after you’ve sworn up and down my latest is about you… when even they know you’ve groused with the others incorrectly accusing me of such?
….so which one of you fuckers IS it about, huh? Since EVERYTHING has to be about your asses.
Fuck is wrong with you?
How the fuck did it come to this?
Sheesh.
You’re a fucking mess.
but…those are the questions YOU need to answer.
Talk about vengeance being God’s.
Leave my books alone. Leave my IP alone.
You’ve disparaged my work ethic this entire time when the truth is you’re only now putting A halfassed toe in the dharmic realm I’ve made my way in 30 years sans any of the funding people like you use as excuses not to truly leap.
Of Course what I do didn’t make sense to you.
You’ve been coddled scores of years.
My knowing your actual affliction is not your fucking affliction, neither is my having given you grace or pity due to it. Leave me the Fuck alone until you can be a man about your shit, about why you want angry attention from me…what has you teetering in whirlpools of rapaciousness towards me.
Best,
AB