That top card means whatever you think it means the day you pull it. The first three things my spirit heard were:
- water’s a conductor[could even be a play on conducting OR conduction];
- Let it wash away (finally);
- Be like water.
The middle card was…The heart of WHY the Aolab Active-art decks work so well. I pulled that card Refusing to take the card at the top of the deck and got read for filth for exactly how raw a nadir got 12 hrs ago. The deck wasn’t even gonna read me. But my heart needed that.
The third card? The deck yowling with all of creation rooting for me to not lose faith in someone I love because the things that did it really weren’t…flukes.
Got totally rerouted this dayUp too. No sleep…due to nadir… had storage drops to hit on my way out onto the road, got more than halfway there & realized I’d left my keys. Had gone a drawn out way instead of an uber…& if I’d gotten there in an uber before discovering the keys weren’t with me I would’ve slit my wrists open on a bike rack in personal outrage lol.
So I took…the having to go back…as an ask…to slow down and listen. Because I’d had the bag in my hand with the keys and decided not to take it last minute. But everything on the ride up HAD lined up. Beautifully. Down to the joy of the lady of a certain era commuter driver happily cat-calling a millenial darting across her path in speedos to “shake those cheeks~!” like God Knew I needed a dose of seeing my own shameless impropriety running comically amok out in the world…
And as I headed back… I took a moment…and forgave myself for wasting three more years of my life on what I had. Aloud. Said it wasn’t his fault either. He didn’t need to be cursed…but neither did I anymore either. & this …with all its weird glories and blessings…had been an expression of me once again walking out processing the shadow in our shit that echoed dad shit I’d spent seven years not speaking on. It was like I was like “fuck it,I will work it out with others” in a cosmic sense.
& with that, I felt the real root curse of the silent treatment from my father over my refusing to be abused like everyone else around him nor spend my adult life checking in so he wouldn’t have to lift a finger or policing him so he’d abuse those around him less evaporate off of me for the first time in 7 years.
And here’s…where God gets all issa trip.
ya know what? Today… I’m going to keep all that to myself.
But Today has been epically sweet in ways 12 hours ago would’ve never believed possible.
But the moral of the story is: This was the top card I’d tried to refuse.
…and it is the summation of what this latest beach stay has been. Purges and all.
I’m leaving a lot out.