Back on Bunker Hill for a bit.

It’s really interesting to find out the things that you’ve run into throughout your life that can casually end up giving true definition to your sense of you.

The weird and random things that ring out as truly you to you aren’t going to be the things you think, or initially thought would when you were young.

I see intent differently now.

It is so beyond the here and now.

Saw it …in a pool table.

We had one, growing up. And it was a big bruhaha to get one, battle lines between parents absently noted in the annals of theirstory that had nothing to do with us kids. A whole story was strewn across it like laundry everybody in the house of five giants had to fold. And what it came to be to me in the simplest shorthand was the motif two kids reeling through the post traumatic stress of really worked-for windfalls on the far sides of Saturn returns faced off across, reading like the Cosbys from the outside looking in, and all the more from the inside-out regardless, but with lots of stupid subtext I couldn’t be bothered with then that I lowkey relish being able to see now.

I never learned to play.

That was my thing. Outright refusal of all things presented as even remotely competitive against others. Casually dismissive of the concept of competition in its entirety because it was usually presented to me by some midget whose nose was already out of joint over the things even they knew they’d get nowhere trying to compare themselves to me on.

I gave no fucks for Napoleon Complexes, hide that you have a brain or my dumb ass is gonna fight you fraggles, stumpy legged stewing chicks nor tween “my dad hit a growth spurt at 20!” lil angry dick syndromers upset I LIKED being tall then OR now.

Unless it was Monopoly or Rummy. Then All the cellular rage over the tsktsktskgotta be a gentle giant mess put upon me outside of fam roared out and I made lil fucks swear off gambling & board games for the rest of childhood life.

I mean I Played with the pool table. I think I made a few Raiders of the Lost Ark/Romancing the Stone movies with my dahls avoiding thundering 8 balls or something, but overall was ambivalent.

But in hindsight?

At many junctures of private, personal development in the last decade a pool table has been present and played with. Surprisingly effectively too.

A dude’s exuberant toddler son who screamed every time I made the white ball hit ANY thing was the first thing to get me to play willingly with anyone in years.

Because it’s like a casual walking meditation for my writerhead, if anything. And even when you’re in a clutch of monks in a rock garden or a tatami mat room, that meditation is wholly your own.

And it happened here, on bunker hill. And it was fun to lose because that kid was right there with my innerchile in recognizing everything is a celebration we should be chortling about.

I play once a day here whenever I am blessed with being needed here.

For me.

For my head.

Usually seriously seen as mental gym and done right after it[muscle gym].

…but today~ What I saw most… was that pool table in our basement as a kid. He must of taken it with him when they divorced at 13, but I don’t recall it up the street at his house either in his basement, so who the fuck knows.

But the simple happiness I felt not only in beginning to play but also in setting the table up for whosoever was going to wander in afterwards and hear it calling to them rung something deep in me. Which defines much of my expression of community: lighthearted legacy. Leave things in good states after you’re done using them so others can enjoy them too. Even in dating lol. Dear God, ESPECIALLY IN DATING(gets down off soapbox).

I saw the past without time, in this momentarily timeless, surreal way.

It was this recognition… that it was on the List.

That pool table as a kid.

It was surely just an aside, almost.

But it was also an intersection, an alignment. beyond time, the spirit piloting the Body that housed my Dad preternaturally remembered whatever he saw before we agreed to be here…to get my rondo ass access to a pool table because it was…going to trigger something really cool for me someday, and he’d get points in the game for being who fought like mad to make sure I had been exposed early to it.

Yeah, weird. But cha know what?

Give tha motherfather his points in the game.

This was an easy path for revelation to roll down, helped in part by ambivalently growing up in proximity to something with no idea what it’d do for me lifetimes later. Maybe the points spike will hit just where he needs them in the ether of whatever fn game he has afoot over there.

{Because he IS who he is, even before I post this his nosy telepathic ass is chuckling “Why ya gotta make it about you lol? Maybe iii just wanted a pool table~:p” To which I say ” That’s the point :D..who cares why YOU wanted it~ ya got God to cosign for it because it was on both our lists lol. & she fought you over it like she knew it was gonna one day be a fun thing for me lol-“}

L O V I N G U N I V E R S E .

thisisscifi chick~

As all this situated itself in my frontal lobe the fashist in me chuckled “Yeah, it also could be because it’s a warm grey number 2 velvet coated pool table and that is and has been your fucking gray since you first got high offa it in its prismacolor marker form at 18-“

…the sky right now has a hint of cool gray 2 highlighting the madness alien invasion clouds afoot … just saying but yeah, #knowyourgreysgrays

It [ tha table in question] … IS… a shall we say baaaaaaaaad pool table, Cleveland vernacular-wise.

But I’ve gotten to play wildly on some beautiful tables across this entire arc, so… the fashist aspect of me may only be partially right.

The who shot the dawg version of all this is:

“Who fuckin’ knew? I truly like pool LOL~”

Addendum: Right as I finished writing this, a guy, his friend and the two girls they were with peeked around my shoulder and shyly asked me a question:

“Is it okay for Us to play Pool~?” I was writing at the bar next to it.

“Of course! Not only did I just hit my words, I set it up so it could draw someone else to come play with it! Have fun!~”

…something in how his face lit up as I explained why I reset it tells me that table is gonna be reset after they’re done too.