I’ve been on the road a lot. &I love it … but there are certain “nouns”(people, places & things) that I’ve grown into really appreciating the energy of so much that I have felt as if I were yanking a huge energetic chunk of them on the road with me.
They’d… I was about to write they’d never tell me the dance was wearing on them but they’re notoriously direct, so they probably would bark if the gravitational pull of somehow inexplicably still being emotionally present for me when I’m ‘all in’ on the road was too much-
…but the truth is my even having some semblance of a sensitivity to even the remote possibilities of me inadvertently taxing their synapses with my roundaboutisms…and giving a fuck …is fn new. For me.
We all have a choice.
We’re making choices every moment of every day.
I just had this crossroads moment. I’d prayed the “what do I really desire?” Prayer that arises when this season hits and two options rose before me : A relatively long(for me) retreat up north, still feeling what churns up from afar… which is, has been a beautiful feeling to wake up to; or~ that same block of time, technically at home. The inner poetry of Poignancy or Proximity?”
I’m…really fond of this one…Noun. God & the universe know it, support my ridiculousness when it comes to this…Noun.
I chose to be home for a while…so that my actions can harmonize with my heart on the matter when it comes to that desire.
Yeah, it’s a dude. So what! Fuck it…how rarely is it a fucking dude in these parts?😜. But it’s not just a dude- it’s what I’ve felt every time I’ve left those paintings in process the last six months. It’s what rocks me every time I come home & every time I leave, which I’ve not ever experienced.
So I’m going to sit with all of it for a while.
That’s what the brunt of the last six weeks have been about.
I live everywhere.
But this is different. Both dude & this place make smiles erupt out of my eyes with no regards for propriety at all. So I’m deciding to be present for it, ethereality be darned.
It’s like “nobody makes me bleed my own blood but me!” But meant affectionately [ lol 😆-dodgeball ref]
I have given my commitment phobic predilections some wiggle room in the coming months (in case I gypsy spazz out climbing walls & just have to bounce to breathe)…
But I’m good. So far.
I’m going to do the Yin yogas, dance the jigs, tackle the boys…after they showcase they do abide by gentlemenly protocols … easily eat the things my heart relishes~
…and write the Words.
Just Inna goofy, sweet “okokok~ I am being here now” flow within socal limits.
I’m lowkey training a giant puppy to chill in his body the next three weeks, in the absence of parents whose wrestling love almost made all the pup’s schooling a waste. But it’s interesting. We did a run thru last month & I noticed a lot of it fell away…and training already in there has already arisen again.
If I can get him to embrace his 1 year old gargantuan zen of being here now as I nurture something sim in me, it’ll be cool.
Resonating with being here on earth, now.