Watched this guy’s take on Half Man because I couldn’t bear the hint of the show without being triggered.

…and that nudge to not watch was warranted.

Sometimes the trigger isn’t yours but is still logged in or lodged in your system bodily due to what you witnessed.

The elder ‘brother’ seething through all the marketing preamble for HALF MAN vinlbed as on the spectrum of the elder brother of one of my best friends at college who used to attack him as a child-rape him, basically- and then had to deal with his target growing up to be a malevolently grinning, pussy magnet of an Adonis in his face …

But… that in your face part was manufactured.

.

My friend lived in campus like I did. But our trio was running on 2hrs sleep btwn coursework, studio and Cincinnati’s underground to remain sane.

Our second year?

The eldest kid manipulated parental things into forcing my friend to move into his off campus house. Their kid sister remained on campus. So my friend was all but quarantinedIN that house of horrors with his fucking abuser whenever he wasn’t in studio, class, clubbing, or my place. OR …I was over there. Pointedly. Feeling that fucker seethe through the walls, accusingly.

I clocked the elder brother ages before my friend finally told me.

& the elder brother was outraged at my “I know what the fuck you are & how jealous you are of how this turned out anyway” energy. But he was a violent closeted faggot…and had no bandwidth on eye to eye Black chicks who weren’t scared of his ass.

Luckily that friend was in the same co-op program and got OTR soon enough. But the only person I truly wanted to be a…nasty piece of work towards in a kicked outta school way was That guy.

Which is saying alot. Cincinnati sucked lol.

Totally an “if he’s married he beats his wife and has been cruising DL for decades” sort of guy if he didn’t just finally come out his damned self, and if he did he’s the worst kind of brutal, drugging dudes and seeking out the worst type of incidents he can cause , calling it love… kind of gay guy.

…so much of it wasn’t even homosexuality. It was jealousy. It was a guy who was the golden child never making peace with being displaced. & inflicting shame. Trying to humiliate the kid who had nothing to do with the parameters they were born into. The victim makes it their whole identity appease the close quarters with the abusers in order to not go insane. Families force this path on survivors alot, occasionally unwittingly.

Some never escape that dance.

My friend was in a drugged haze for decades.I lost him before /grievechronic\ but he’s one of the reasons why I agreed to write it the way that I do.

FUCK that guy…