NUH-UH!I SOLD my soul,govnor! I's did, I say!!«

No, you wanted to be seen as something without truly being that thing and found folks who were willing to let you do all kinds of horrid, stupid shit to yourself and others to get the title of that dumb shit slapped on your forehead...and now you slink around in that ill-fitting costume, still NOT that initial thing you didn't have the balls or heart to just be FOR YOU in the first place.

& ya wanted it for the wrong reasons in the first place. Which is why ya made dumb choice after dumb choice. Find out the root of the wrong initial choice- the literal ignorance (not knowing)- face what IT is really about...and get the fuck out. Of the dumb shit you consciously signed on to.